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Pizza Party in My Pants

february 14, 2016

When I was in middle school, I found it weird that a number of my classmates were already establishing relationships as in being with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I wasn't the lightest bit interest in being in one myself so I thought the other kids were just trying to express themselves as adults by simply incorporating things that they considered "adult" into their normal lives. Romantic attraction and relationships was something I expected to see and maybe even experience in high school but even when I attending high school, it never happened to me. I thought maybe I was a super late bloomer, had a delayed puberty, or maybe even a hormone imbalance.

I'd seen friends going through the drama, desire and pressure of wanting a partner and I couldn't understand why it was such a big deal. I was perfectly fine about the idea of being a virgin or living single for the rest of my life; in fact, I expected it and kinda didn't even want it because whatever relationships I saw was almost always accompanied by headaches, drama, inconvenience and trouble. I admit that I still had a romantic side of me that kinda wanted a personal connection with someone else from watching movies and anime, but the same can be said about a tight-knit childhood friendship.

I figured that if I happened to get into a great relationship in the future, good for me, but I wasn't going to look for it; I was in no hurry and couldn't understand why other people were either. I ended up developing the belief that people who were looking for a romantic relationship were looking in the wrong place and that they should stop looking for a relationship based on gender and instead be looking for strong meaningful friendships which might eventually lead into a romantic one; it makes so much sense as a core element of a good relationship.

This past year, I discovered "asexual" as a sexual orientation term, and was really surprised to find myself fitting into that definition rather snuggly. Out of high school, I used to think that I was very normal, that I can relate with people and had some pretty good thoughts and beliefs about relationships, even if I didn't understand why a lot of people do the things they do. I couldn't understand why people were in such a rush to find a partner. It's interesting to learn that all this time, I was missing a large piece of the puzzle that bridges me to what would be considered normal sexual orientation. There are a lot of biological pressures, desires, and driving factors that I'm probably missing and might never understand.

I'm actually even surprised that asexuality is a sexual orientation term and that there's prejudice and discrimination against people who label themselves so. Wouldn't it be kinda similar if someone was asked if they preferred chocolate or vanilla ice cream and they answered "neither?" Does it even make sense to be judgmental on someone without a preference? '_'

Pizza Party in My Pants

february 14, 2016

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