I went for a trip out of town to see some family at the end of November. I hadn't seen family since two years ago when my grandfather passed away, and even then, many of them weren't there and I didn't really get to spend much time with the members that were. Spending some time away from my work environment, seeing my sister with her successful career, her marriage, her beautiful kids, my dad, and thinking a lot about my grandparents, I began feeling really far behind the curve of life; that time was feeling short for how much I want to do, how I wish and want to be closer to the wonderful family members that I admire and love, but never really put the time into doing.

Coming back, I was feeling troubled, pressured, and probably a bit anxious. I had a hard time justifying using my time doing anything that wasn't productive, but in that, I felt exhausted and wasn't feeling motivated (though I admit that a large part of it was also probably because the previous month was really packed, busy and I was jet lagged. '_').

Cecilia and I quit Final Fantasy 14 in the beginning of November because I didn't have the time to play. We were planning on resubbing a bit after I got back, but I was feeling very reluctant; that it just meant I'd lose more time which I should be spending to progress in life, and I admit that I generally spend most of my non raiding, in-game time, doing my own thing.

We followed through with the plan of resubbing for FF14 and getting back into raiding in the end, and I'm surprised how much better I'm feeling now. We've only raided for four days since we renewed our subscriptions, but the social experience of being with friends again, laughing, joking, working together as a team to beat a difficult boss, striving to get better and gearing up to be on par with everyone else, just made something click. It feels so therapeutic. I remember too that before going to see family, I was so excited and inspired by our FF14 community and manga to do so many art things. I definitely get something spiritual from it and it carries a factor that enhances my life that I need to make point of to remember. As positive as it is, I can't help but to wonder if it's also a bit of escapism and I worry about losing focus on the larger parts of life, and that in a years time, I might end up looking back and feeling the same but worse as how I felt after seeing my family. '_'