Why must shit be so frustrating in high school?

[Tehwilburforce]

So I just had a long text conversation with a friend that I recently started hanging out with more in order to try and go out with her sometime in the future, hopefully. Apparently, when I was being dumb for 2 years and ignoring her and the great group of friends that she hangs out with, she managed to be hired at the only clothing store nearby that is almost entirely staffed by druggies. I was shocked when she told me this, but I'm not surprised given what I know about her already... She is very good friends with everyone who works there and she calls them her "family". Anyone having thoughts of Charles fucking Manson right now, cuz that's what it sounds like. Seriously, I am afraid that, just like Manson and his infamous "family", the cops will catch up to this group and my friend will be left to dry while some of the leaders get away... I won't let that happen. She completely trusts them and goes to work a lot in order to see them. she's even taken part in drug deals... It's crazy. I won't let them take advantage of her, no matter how much she trusts them or thinks they won't get caught. Sure, I was a twat and didn't pay attention to her for 2 years, but she deserves better than this, in my opinion. After all, she's a fellow writer...

[Farore]

That sounds like a really tough spot to be in Wilbur =[ . While you were texting with her did you bring up your concerns? It can be really hard to confront someone about things like this, but sometimes it really is what needs to be done. Let her know that you are really concerned about the situation and how dangerous taking part in those type activities can be.

[chrisb]

I think you may be exaggerating a bit here. It's sad that she's starting to deal drugs, but I don't think they're going on a killing spree because they're dealing drugs. Calling people family does not equal cult. Also, I'm no pot defender, but if she's dealing that then there are millions of other normal kids who do. If you suspect anything serious you need to call the police anonymously. Do you have proof she's dealing drugs and her coworkers are druggies? Without absolute proof you can severely damage the friendship you have with this girl. If she is heavily involved then you have to be careful to not get too involved with this girl. If she is doing very reckless things it may be a teenage rebellion phase getting out of hand. You need to be upfront with her about the dangers even if she gets upset with you.

[Bear]

Hmm, I'm sure, as usual, there are things I'm missing here, but I don't see calling people you are close to as family as a problem. It's just a term of endearment; I would always consider social circles I am close to like my family.

That said Wilbur, if your friend is getting into trouble, the best thing you can do is try and encourage her as much as possible to be weary of, and aware of, her situation. It's great you want to help protect her, but you may end coming off as trying to be controlling, even with the best intentions at heart. It's taken me a long time to come to terms with this myself and is still something I deal with, but the bottom line is that you can't help someone who doesn't want it, doesn't think they need it, or won't help themselves.

You two are becoming adults and you can act as you see fit and sometimes making mistakes in life is how you learn. You can go in, guns blazing, wanting to shake things up and stop the injustice you see, but you may end up alienating her and driving her further into the arms of her "family". Anyways, no need to follow my advice - do what you see fit; that's what life is about. Good luck.

[Tehwilburforce]

I actually don't mind anymore. Thanks for the advice everyone, but I recently pissed off the friend I was talking about earlier. I won't be able to talk with her for a while now. I don't mind. I feel like I learned my lesson. She had become so completely ingrained in this group that she truly cares about them. They are something that gives her self-worth, I guess. I threatened to take that away from her by calling the cops and she didn't want to hear anything else... I begged and pleaded with her and she eventually just said that she wished to be left alone for a while. I'm glad that I was able to convince her not to shun me (Seriously, I'd rather be on the other side of the planet building a house for people who have no idea what I'm saying than ever piss off and lose a friend.), but, now, I can't help but feel truly terrible for what I did. I don't really know what I can say to her after she's willing to speak to me again...

[Bear]

Well, you did what you thought was best. Even if friends and family make choices you think are bad, there really isn't a whole lot you can do other than try and be the voice of reason or support in their lives. Hostile actions yield hostile outcomes.

Think of it this way Wilbur; if someone is trying to convince you of something, how would you respond if they threatened to try and take away your freedom to do as you saw fit? Think deeply about how you would see it if you were in her perspective; if someone was going to try and break up an aspect of your life you cared about in the name of your best interest and did so with threats. I don't know about you, but when someone starts to tred on my freedom I would get pretty pissed off. When those things happen, rebellion is bound to occur.

The other aspect of this that I hope you consider is that even if you do care about her as a friend and have the best intentions, you have no right to tell her how to live. Just take the opportunity to contemplate the lesson life is trying to teach you here if you feel bad about it; the worst thing that could happen is repeating mistakes or not learning lessons in life.

I'm really curious what lesson you believe you learned from the whole experience and your own personal reflection. You don't have to say, but I think it might help us get to know you and your thought processes better. Don't worry about feeling terrible - that's a good thing. That's how you learn =)