Transgender is an adjective.

[Doctor G33K]

Preface: Not my rant. Someone else's. But you know what? It sums up my feelings about the word tranny, so I wanted to share it with you guys.

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Tranny has many meanings. From the transmission in a car, to a transistor radio, the word was used as slang to a number of words which start with trans-. But those meanings aren't what make me hate the word, they're just distractions. No, we all know why tranny is hated by people like myself. Tranny is one of the most common slang words for transsexual and transgender people. Most trans people consider the word to be pretty offensive, especially when it's used by anyone who is not trans. With good reason, of course. This word brings with it the worst of societies stereotypes about trans people. It's used to isolate trans people, to separate them from "normal" people. It's used to comment on someone's appearance, to say they just look wrong. It's used as a way to talk about trans sex workers and trans porn actors, as a way to minimize us to a single aspect of who we are. When someone says tranny, there is a huge bucket of fucked up meanings which come along with the word.



But, we all know that. Every trans person I know has encountered the word, whether it's used hatefully toward them or not. Celebrities, especially from the Gay and Lesbian community, often use it, whether they mean to hurt trans people or not. They use it to refer to drag queens, or to people who just don't fit. They sling the word out whenever they feel the need to hurt people for their appearance, or for how they don't fit in. The trans community has dealt with it for years now, and we're getting really good at calling people on their shit around this word. No, it's not ok to call your friend a hot tranny mess, even if you mean it endearingly. It isn't ok to talk about trannies when referring to porn, even if that's what ignorant people call porn including trans people. No, it's not ok to talk about trannies as if they are some fictional construct, like you see in movies, and it certainly isn't ok to refer to a trans woman as a tranny, even if she "stole your boyfriend" and you were angry. A lot of people get it, a lot of people ignore it, and still others defend themselves, as if they have some inalienable right to use offensive language without being criticized.



I still hate the word. I hate when it's used with hatred against trans people, and I hate when it's used with ignorance about trans people. I hate how when gay and lesbian people say it, it turns into a big fight between some trans people saying "Uh, please don't say that, it's really not cool" and some of the gay and lesbian community saying that it's ok, because of some new excuse of the week. It happens every time. I hate how there are people who claim to be allies, but who don't actually defend trans people when they slurs are used against them. But, what I hate most is when trans people say tranny, and other trans people get angry.



Honestly, there's a lot more to the argument then just a word. The word is just a convenient proxy for the real argument that's tearing up the trans community. Currently, in the trans community, and especially in the GLBT, and queer community at large, trans masculinity is valued much more than trans femininity. So, there's an element of privilege involved in the interactions between the feminine trans people and the masculine trans people, and part of this privilege is the usage of the word tranny. When a trans masculine person uses the word tranny, in an attempt to reclaim the word, it can harm trans feminine people. But why?



In one sense, the word tranny belongs to all trans people, no matter what gender they identify with. It's used with equal malice against trans men as it is against trans women. If someone is shouting tranny at you, the person who is shouting doesn't care if you look masculine or feminine. If they are keeping trannies out of the locker rooms, they are keeping trans masculine and trans feminine people out. But, in another very real sense, the word tranny is much more damaging to trans women then it is to trans men. Because of the privilege masculinity holds in our society, people who appear masculine are given more slack, they are accepted more readily. As such, trans men are implicitly accepted more than trans women in our culture, because it's acceptable to be masculine but it's not acceptable to be feminine. It's for this reason, that when most people use the word tranny in the abstract, or when talking about pornography, or when talking about how people look terrible and deviant, they are implicitly referring to trans women, not trans men. Consider the number of trans masculine porn sties out there, compared to trans women sites. If someone says you look like a tranny, most often they are saying they look like a woman who looks like a man. Think about the expressions of trans-ness in society. Trans women are mocked, are trying to trick people, are the people whom bear more of the violence, and who are in the spotlight. When a trans man takes back a word which is often used specifically against trans women, there's a problematic power differential there. Trans women are marginalized in queer communities, and ostracized in society as a whole, and are understandably angry when the marginalization continues.



But, that doesn't mean that trans men who use the word tranny are the same as cis people using the word tranny. Trans men are hurt and marginalized by the slur, even if trans women are often marginalized more. It can be empowering to take a slur which has been used against you, and to use it with strength. Also, trans men are not the reason why femininity is minimized. They are just benefiting from it.



I hate the word tranny. It's ugly. It hurts real people, and it exposes the divisions among trans people. If you want to use the word tranny, remember: not everyone has the same experience with the word that you do, and there are still problems attached to it.

Addendum. Not saying people can or can't use the word. Just saying think about it before you do use it. And, I'm saying that I personally really hate the word.
------------------------
Endquote.

Yeah. It sucks. When people use it in general it sucks. Please don't.

Also, transgender is an adjective. You don't meet a transgender. You meet a transgender person. I'm trans. I'm transgender. I'm a trans woman. I'm not a trans. I'm not a transgender.

Speak the difference. It means a lot to us.

We already go through enough.

Every day I wake up. I look at the mirror and frown. I go downstairs where my parents say, "Good morning son." I cringe. I go to school. The entire school day I feel like people can see into my head and I'm struck with huge anxiety because of the stigma associated with being trans. I go into gym and am forced to play for the boys team. I go to lunch and if I sat next to a girl my friends say it's because I have a crush on her. Not because I could just want to be friends with people who are actual like me. But no... I don't get to be friends with people with similar minds. I'm not the same gender. I go home. I take a shower. I look at my body and am "disgusted." I'm confused. I'm struck with dysphoria. There's a literal definition for it... but there's no way to explain how it feels for your body to not match your mind. Every day my mind grows weaker and I get a little more depressed. I'm haunted by numbers, like the 41% attempted suicide rate of trans women. The 21% unemployment rate of trans women. The possibility that if my parents through me out I'll have to consider prostitution to live. And when I go to bed I can't even cry because social stigma says that men don't cry. Every day of my life. And each day it gets worse and worse. I can fix it... but I need to jump through hoops for therapists telling them what I want to hear before they let me speak to a doctor who can prescribe the necessary hormones to fix me. Even if my body feels right to me, it won't to others. Others will still judge me. I'll still be the butt of jokes. People will look at me in disgust. The chance of me becoming invisible is ridiculously low. And it's not my choice.

The least you could do is use the right words. All transgender people appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

[th3squirr3l]

I had a middle school teacher that was a transgender person. Needless to say, the amount of ridicule was nigh unbearable... I was never too judgmental, but it can be hard for kids of a young age to even understand this sometimes. It really made no difference to at least some of us, I feel. She was one of the nicest teachers I've had.

I know things can be tough, but you have to hang in there. For every ignorant bastard that's on this planet, there's someone who's understanding and willing to help out, or at least willing to listen...

[Luc of True Wind]

Doc,

Thank you so much for sharing something so genuine and moving. I have so much respect for you for being so courageous and honest. You have so many hardships ahead of you because of a twisted, selfish society that values illusions of beauty and perfection that are unattainable by 99% of the people in the world. You are an amazing person for being so open and willing to stand up for who you are and for embracing your identity. I despise how our society places people's identities as "ugly" and "unacceptable" when it is such an integral part of a person's existence and of their self-image. It's not fair that you have to jump through so many hoops just to feel complete and accepted. It's not fair that you have to constantly justify everything you do and everything you say. It's not fair that you are not welcomed into society for who you are.
You have to continue simply being you. It will be hard to find others to support you, but always know that you will have people here who respect you for who you are. I was so touched by your post, and after reading the discussion you posted about that hateful slur, I feel so much more enlightened. You have allies here. Keep fighting for who you are, and don't be discouraged by statistics, those are just numbers and you are already taking a huge step by accepting your identity.

[Doctor G33K]

Thank you for being so accepting guys. It really helps a lot. You have no idea.

[Bear]

Well, since you started the topic Doc, I'll have to say my peace. I have a lot to say on the subject, but the bottom line is that you need to hang in there; life will introduce you to people who understand, accept and love you for who you are, no matter where you fall in the gender and sexuality spectrum.

That said, I won't mince words here. Fei is a trans girl and I am a straight man that fell in love with her online. We've been together for 7 years and I've seen her through everything in her transition. We've lived together for about 5 years and are more in love now than ever. This is the first time I've come out publicly and if you ever care or cared about us as people, I urge you to read everything I post below to get an idea of what this has meant for us.

I also want to state that most people who read this (including Luma who just posted here today, ironically) will be learning this for the first time because Fei passes and people regard her as the girl she is. Most everyone in our online sphere of friends and guild never knew this because we didn't feel there was a need to disclose it. Not to say we were hiding – it was more that our sexuality and her gender identity are very small parts of who we are as people. I have been known to reach out to other people struggling with gender dysphoria to show support and offer up any help I can, though I usually do so in private where we can talk at length.

You brought up the topic, and since we lead public lives by way of publishing Life in Aggro online, I feel I should be forthcoming and discuss how this relates to us and our lives.

What I go into from here will be disclosing way more information than anyone would want to about their lives, especially in an Internet environment where you always feel like anything can haunt you for the rest of your lives. I wish I could say I am this pillar of strength and nothing bugs me and I am always happy and funny – but that would be a total lie. I am a human; I have fears, doubts and anxieties like any person; don't think that I say any of this without caution to our safety and wellbeing.


Lows and Highs
The truth is- our lives are extremely precarious right now. Pie and I are both 31, live alone, and have no clue where rent will come from in 2 months time. We both work on the comic full time and the idea that we can make a living doing this has made me question my sanity on numerous occasions. When we started we had no idea what we were doing – we just thought...well...we will never know if we don't try. Despite having no clue, somehow we've managed to get far enough to have a successful Kickstarter that will pay for some starter merchandise and a new inkjet printer (yay!).

A year ago, I also had no idea how we were going to pay for rent, but somehow we made it this far. Have you ever seen Gattaca? The movie is about a man trying to make a living as a "God child" in a world where everyone is genetically engineered to be their best. He struggles with the public discrimination of "God children"; one that determines social status with a person's genetic code. In one scene he is challenged by his genetically engineered baby brother in an endurance race where the first one to turn back from swimming out to sea loses. When the baby brother loses and asks how he did it, the hero says "I never saved enough energy for the trip back". I think the movie is profound and pretty accurately describes our situation. We decided to swim out to sea and we will go as far as we possibly can to see our dreams come true.

The state of our finances isn't a sad thing though and we don't dwell on it. Life is very magical and serendipitous; that is one lesson I have been taught several times in my life that I try and share with Fei. We work hard and try our best; even if we fail we dust ourselves off and keep trying. The tricky part in it all is keeping your confidence, spirit and resolution strong.


The Breakdown
I think it was about November when I started to break down emotionally. Most of the time I can meditate or shake off feelings of depression or anxiety, but the nightmares, anxiety and feelings of worthlessness were far more severe than ever before. I was having trouble sleeping and the anxiety was making me physically shake from not knowing how to deal with the pressure. Even though we have this awesome life together and we make comics and have some wonderful friends, family and readers, it is hard to stay positive when you aren't sure if you will be evicted in a couple months or if the electricity or Internet connection will be cut because you can't afford it.

I was crying and thought I was the biggest idiot on the planet for abandoning a career in tech to help Fei realize her artistic dream – and to help realize my own dream of doing something creative with my life. I say abandon, but in actuality I was laid off after the housing market crash. When that happened, I was just coming off of bereavement from my mother passing away. After I was laid off I suffered severe burnout and loss in direction; what came out of it was a dedication to the most important person in my life and doing what I had always worked hard for (even before we met); to provide a happy and loving home for her (and our family) in the only way I knew how. So with no prior skill in making creative projects or being particularly funny, I jumped in and we began with Life in Aggro.

Fei is so precious to me and she didn't have the knowhow to make a living with her art. I wanted to see her dreams of being a manga artist come true because I felt she had the talent and drive to be successful. We started with LiA not because of Penny Arcade's success, but more because we wanted to make people laugh and felt it would be easier to start than a traditional story. We thought, well, if we can make people laugh, we will be making people smile and maybe they would value that enough to support us. If we do that, we can learn how to be better story and joke tellers and grow our artistic abilities...basically cutting our teeth with LiA. Doing something humorous has a great advantage too; it puts us in a positive mood and helps make us laugh and cheer us up on a constant basis. I don't think we'll ever want to stop because it is incredibly therapeutic and meaningful to us.

After the breakdown I was able to come to a resolute conclusion. I would rather lose every physical possession and be homeless than stop chasing this silly dream. Making Fei laugh and light up when we work together and getting feedback from our readers when they laugh or are cheered up by our work is more valuable than any income level or life stability; life is unpredictable anyways and we might as well live it for ourselves and enjoy every day, working hard to make ourselves and others happy. When it all comes down to it, maybe I'm completely insane, but at least I had fun in my insanity while I was alive. Hehe


Falling in Love
As I said, I am a straight guy. When I met Fei online, she was a cheerful and pleasant girl who had an insatiable thirst for games. She was goofy and silly and she was incredibly nice. She would go around healing and buffing random strangers, following them around providing random support on her priest in RO. Later when I learned she was an artist, I immediately admired her cute style and thought it perfectly reflected her soft nature.

We clicked right away when she ended up joining my guild and we soon became very close friends. We shared many of the same passions in games and we had a lot of similar tastes and shared passions in what made games great. We found ourselves spending countless hours talking about life philosophy and games; anime and manga too, but mostly life philosophy and games. We were endlessly passionate about it and would talk about it for hours. It's funny because only a few weeks after meeting her, I told my best friend that I didn't know how, but I had a strong intuition that this girl would change my life. It was a profound insight into someone I had only recently become acquainted, but it was this eerie precognition about my connection to her.

Over 3 months, we were quickly becoming attached. We both had issues with previous online relationships that made us both say up front "we're just friends"; I would learn later that a guy had previously rejected her after she painfully told him about herself even though they too were falling for each other. But we couldn't help it; we became completely enamored with one another. Multi-hour sessions became the norm as we sat in RO and chatted away, even to the point where we would go to a scenic spot in the game and have picnics online, eating at the computer together as we chatted. Our longest chat session was something like 16 hours straight and there was no denying that we were falling for each other.

I was really curious about what she looked and sounded like, of course. I mean, how many guys come across a really nice gamer girl and think – oh man, she is THE BEST. A girl who likes my passions and is really cool to be with? It's hard to not fall for a girl you have a soft spot for; which should be evident in the fact that other guys were vying for her attention.


Discovery
Early on in our friendship though we were talking about our personal lives and she admitted to me that she had suffered from severe eczema. It is a skin condition that, while she was in high school going into college, had kept her bed ridden from how badly it affected her skin. The pain would keep her up at night and she was suffering from insomnia because of it. She would never tell people about it online because she didn't want to be treated differently or specially because of it.

My heart went out to her and I felt terribly that such a nice girl had to deal with something so difficult in a society that places so much emphasis on physical beauty. I knew after that, that I could not in good conscience ask for her picture because I felt it was insensitive to do so. I came to the conclusion...well...what does it matter anyways? If I fell in love with this amazing girl, and let's say she was beautiful but was, as an example, a fire burn victim; would that change how I felt about her? Would I still be able to love her? Ultimately, I thought that, well, what really matters is who she is on the inside and that I love her for who she is; because real love isn't skin deep. This laid the groundwork for the next critical admittance she had for me.

A couple months passed and we grew closer and closer; to the point where we decided to, as friends, get married in game. The game had a marriage system and we thought it would be nice to celebrate our strong friendship. Of course, at that point we were both falling for each other, so who were we really fooling? haha Anyways, as the time approached, it was Christmas time and we did a gift exchange. Sometime before the ceremony, I decided to tell her that I thought I was falling for her. When I did, my heart dropped as she didn't reciprocate. It made me feel terrible but she was already hurting enough knowing the truth about her being trans. She really cared for me and she didn't want to hurt me or lose me as a friend. She knew that she was falling for me too but it was impossible for us to be together.

By the day before our online ceremony, I had gotten over it and figured that she was guarded and that she was still special to me. I would be patient with our relationship and if it never matured beyond friendship, so be it. That was when she told me about her being trans. Needless to say, I was heartbroken and speechless. I had no idea what to say and had no idea how to act. I've met gay people before and never had a problem with them, but this was completely out of left field for me. She told me she never meant to hurt me and that she was crying about it for days; that she cared so much for me but felt it so difficult to bring it up. I asked her some questions out of curiosity and we discussed it as adults but I left that conversation and said, well, you're still my friend but I don't think it will work out between us. She understood and was just hopeful that we could stay friends; knowing that some people will show support and slowly drift out of your life from something like this.

The next day I went to work as normal. It was between Christmas and New Years and I worked in the field between sites. My mind had been racing about this revelation and I kept coming back to how my feelings for her were real. What did this change? I mean, I wanted to have a normal relationship; get married, have kids and all that, but I also wanted to have a strong and meaningful relationship. Sometime in the day I pulled over in between sites and broke down crying in my car.

I was so heartbroken – but not for losing a potentially really awesome girlfriend. It was because I was so sad this girl that I grew to care for so immensely had to deal with SO MUCH. Eczema, trans...a possible life filled with rejection. A father that didn't support her art talent and wanted her to go into engineering instead. How could someone who I held to be so precious, have to deal with so much anguish in her life? I knew then that I could not deny that my love for her was real, regardless of how she was born or how she looked. I had to meet with her, in person, to see if everything still held true and if we could make things work.

Needless to say, they did and we dealt with a lot in the process, but I still wouldn't have it any other way.


Maximum Exposure
As I said before, I don't say any of this without concern for our own safety and wellbeing. I am terrified that something would happen due to how we are; based on something that Fei cannot change and that I accept because of my love and acceptance of her. I am concerned of being outcast or living a life of solitude. At 30, when most of your friends have moved away and have their own lives, it's easy to feel secluded and lonely. But you know what? A lot of people have to deal with this. It isn't just us. Any marginalized people in history have always had to live in fear or survive ridicule, torment or worse. Given how far we've come as a society, I feel pretty damn grateful living in the time that we do.

It reminds me of how silly I thought racism was as a child. My dad would tell me that I would be discriminated against because of my Spanish last name and I thought it was ridiculous (I never was; I look like a total white guy). But I thought about it for black people too; they have no way of changing their skin tone, so why would people ever hate them for it? Why would anyone ever hate someone for something they cannot change? What about conscious decisions? Things they CAN change? Am I more in the wrong for being "normal" and choosing this "abnormal" life with someone I love and cherish? Some people, my dad included, would think so (don't hate my dad; he's a great guy in most regards).

I go out on a limb and say these things because I must. It tears my heart apart when I think about the countless people that have to deal with discrimination, hate, anxiety, fear, exclusion, rejection because of something that is core to who they are as people. If my story, and by extension, my availability to talk to and help others where I can helps even one soul, it is worth it. We have to be strong, as people, to live out our lives and be happy despite the hardships we face. To me, strength is found in being empathetic towards others, and if people consider my empathy as a sign of weakness, then I don't need those people in my life. I will carry out my own vision of what it means to be strong. My name is Casey Vasquez, and even if I haven't met you, I care about you.

[Doctor G33K]

I don't know what to say Bear.

First of all, I'm honestly really absolutely shocked. And you know what? That's a good thing. That gives me hope, that if I ever come out to people they'd be just as shocked. I had absolutely no clue whatsoever... not even a thought in my mind. At a time where things like hearing my own voice freaks me out, there is just so much comfort in knowing that that I can't even begin to explain how much this means to me. I have to thank both of you for this, really.

Second of all... Bear, thank you for sharing so much. Thank you for being so loving and understanding... and... just being so open. The internet is a scary place in how much things can follow you. At some point in the future I'm probably going to retire this username as I fully transition, because I'm so scared my past will at some point catch up. The fact you were willing to be so absolutely open... I'm in awe. You doing this was just... you really are an amazing person. Never forget that. I'm young, I have no life experiences, I don't know what if feels like to not have money. And the future scares me even more because of it. But the fact that you can survive and be so caring and open about it to us... Thank you.

I need to go lay down and think about this some more. I'm just... Wow.

[Farore]

While I am not trans, this article has been very touching to me. I've been reading this thread as it was being posted and, as always, have had a hard time coming up with the words to share how I feel. Unlike Bear I am not an eloquent and sophisticated writer so I apologize if this jumps around, bear with me (no pun intended >.<).

I grew up in a military family. My father has been in the Air Force my entire life and as such I grew up in a very racially diverse community. I always found myself wondering how anyone could be racist. My family is very much white, but that didn't ever determine my friends. Whether someone was African American, Hispanic, Asian, Caucasian, Native American, or any mix know to man I formed my opinions of them based on their words and actions.

I faced a huge culture shock when moving to Las Vegas as a dorky, meek 15 year old sophomore. To this day I will never forget my first day at Desert Pines High School. I moved here in December so I started school half way through the year. My first few classes went fine, I quickly introduced myself and then faded into the environment. As lunch approached I mentally made not of a few people I might want to be friends with and decided I would approach them during lunch.

This turned out to be a rather unfortunate decision for me. I was immediately accosted as "white girl" and made to feel slightly worse than dirt. I quickly became part of the outcast group, racially diverse but quite unpopular for it. I finished the year without incident and quickly transfered to the Community College High School program.

My first day there I met a boy. He had long, gorgeous dirty blond hair and a quirky smile. I won't lie, I had a huge crush on him. As the year progressed we became friends and one day after class he shared with me that he was gay. I was so sad; my teenage fantasy was shattered. But that moment also sparked an unparalleled understanding in me. I realized that no matter what he found attractive he was still one of my best friends. Nothing about his personal feelings harmed me in any way. It didn't change that his jokes were funny or how he debated in government class, or anything else for that matter. If anything his honesty helped me. I felt that his ability to feel comfortable sharing this with me brought us closer as friends. I trusted him as a friend and confidant.

Unfortunately we have lost touch over the years, but he is a friend I will never forget. And just knowing him has helped me better formulate my own views of the world. Why should such a caring, generous person be ostracized because he would rather kiss another boy? Why is his opinion or perspective deemed 'lesser'? I don't understand it, and I never will.

For that matter, why is it okay for women married to rich men to have breast augmentations, nose jobs, face lifts and liposuction so that their man will find them attractive, but it isn't okay for a trans boy to have a reassignment surgery so that they feel comfortable in their own skin?

Why does so much of our society covet vanity and shun comfort? I feel uncomfortable in my skin because I'm slightly overweight; I can't even imagine the stress that must come from feeling like you're in the wrong body, something so uncontrollable. And with such a drastic juxtaposition, why is it that it would be more socially acceptable for me to have a procedure done to address my issue? It is a sickening truth.

As I said when I started a few tangents previous, I have always and will continue to judge people by their words and actions; Those things that they can control by choice. Those that choose to breed hate and anger will only poison my life with it, and I have enough of my own issues as it is! I will continue to live my life as I am, a quirky, WoW addicted 20 something with a life long dream of being a stay at home mom. I know that sometimes it can feel like the world has turned it's back, but please know that if such a time ever comes I am more than happy to listen as a virtual shoulder to cry on or discuss nonsensical astral unicorns just to get away from reality if only for a short time.

[chrisb]

Wow. I wish I could add more to this message, but I just wanted to say that everyone who has posted in this topic is a beautiful person. I wish more people like you guys existed in this world. I have never had to deal with anything even close to what some of you go through/have gone through, but I support you and pray for your well being and happiness.

[Pie]

When Casey first talked to me about replying to G33k's post on this topic and coming out to everyone about us, I admit I was feeling reluctant. I know it sounds selfish but I couldn't help to feel down about the idea that I'll lose the identity of being a girl to everyone. I later read G33k's post; I feel I can sympathize with what she wrote, the frustration, the anguish, and the obsession. It's almost like seeing a part of myself in her that I want to help support and save. I was very lucky and blessed to have gotten the support, help, and love when I needed it. It sucks to see someone else having to go through the same/similar negative experiences without it.

Like Casey mentioned, we hadn't mentioned any of this, not even the details of how we met long ago to any of our friends and guild mates from our old MMO. I always thought of the time since I've moved in with Casey about five years ago as a new start; that I can just forget about being trans and leave it all behind me and live as a normal girl. I've met a number of trans girls who've had that mentality, that after going full time, they want to close off and forget that part of their past. In a way it makes sense because then you can move forward and plan for a brighter future, why be stuck in the past, right? I had the inclination to do the same, but as Casey mentioned earlier, in doing Life in Aggro, we're living public lives and in doing so, it'll probably come up eventually. I won't regret it because I know it's for the best.

My reluctance to come out to people feels like a mechanism not only to protect myself from the possible pain of not being accepted, but also so that I may continue living in my own delusions. It felt like even if people were accepting after learning the truth, I still wouldn't be the same in their minds, and will unconsciously be treated different.
I've been going full-time ever since I moved in with Casey about five years ago, and am still coming to terms with myself. I know I've been living in an illusion and that I need to come to terms, accept, and embrace it. I know I'm not a girl; I'll never be a true girl, and that I'll never know what it's really like; I am what I am (not to say that I don't still wish. ^^;). Going through the transition of course brought huge positive changes in my life because I can now act and do as I like with little restraint and be in an amazing and magical relationship the way I want with an amazing man.

The whole topic about G33k coming up got me thinking a lot about strong popular fictional characters I admire, a particularly recent one being Great Teacher Onizuka. I thought about a facet of him a student of his pointed out in a conversation on why he's great; it's because he doesn't have anything to hide and that he expresses who he is openly and without fear. I want to be able to be like that too. I know it might sound silly to idolize fictional characters, but though the characters may be fictional, the elements of their personalities that many other people and I admire are real. Why do people love characters like Kamina and Simon from Gurren Lagann so much? I think it's because they hold characteristics that we wish we could exhibit in ourselves.

[Doctor G33K]

Fei, just so you know I still look at you as a girl. I know me being me means I'm less likely to ungender and everything, but I still can't possibly imagine you as anything else.

Of course I can't imagine myself as anything else either... my body snaps me back to reality. <_<