I feel like I'm a shitty friend...

[Tehwilburforce]

Today, I got out of school early and decided to go grab lunch with a few friends. I hung out with them for half of the time, talking and joking with them before I spotted some other friends from another school whom I don't get to see often, so I left and went to sit and talk with them. It was such a mistake. I spent the rest of the time feeling uncomfortable as hell while they talked about stuff I didn't even know about. Eventually, the friends from my school got up and left without saying goodbye to me. I noticed, but didn't want to run through the restaurant apologizing to them like an idiot. I stayed and listened to my other group of friends and I didn't really want to get involved in their conversation. All you need to know is they are from a town that is fabulously wealthy because a lot of executives like to live there. Because of all the money, people just don't feel the need to be good parents and so I hear a lot of stories about kids from that town drinking and getting high... That's all they fucking talked about. I feel like such an idiot for staying behind with them while some really good friends of mine left.

[Doctor G33K]

You're fine. You wanted to see old friends. You found out that they weren't who you thought they were. You won't probably go talk to them again, so this one time isn't going to make your friends hate you. Don't worry about it.

[Fixxxer 117]

I agree with Doc. You hadn't seen them in a while, people change and you can't stop that.

[Bear]

Hmm, I dunno how you would feel about this, but maybe you can tell the group of friends you sorry? Just something simple like:

"Hey guys, sorry about ditchin' ya like that. I wasn't really thinking and I felt dumb for doing that".

[Tehwilburforce]

I know. I apologized to them later, but I still feel so stupid. I know what the situation in that town is and I've heard so much talk like that because I mainly work with kids that go to the school there... I sort of knew what I was getting into, but I guess I didn't expect a couple of the people I talked with to be that way since I hadn't seen them in a while.

[Bear]

Well, just like most other events that make us feel dumb, they are there to help teach us lessons for the future XD Don't worry about it too much man, just know better for later.

[Regnek]

It isn't really a shitty thing to do, people often have multiply groups of friends that don't mix. And it is disappointing to find out that people you considered friends have turned into people you would rather not hang around with. What you have to remember is that people do change, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. And at times when people have changed into asshat's its often better to sever ties rather then getting dragged down yourself.

[Tehwilburforce]

Another day... Another crippling dilemma... I recently found out that this person from my school whom I like is single again. She and I haven't had the best friendship lately to be honest. She's been with a guy most of the time for 2 and a half years since I met her during sophomore year of high school. During that time, I've tried talking with her just so that we could keep in touch and stay friends. However, I usually screwed up by talking to her when I was upset and generally I would try to take pity from her that she hadn't tried going out with me at all for the entire time we'd known each other. Right now, I think she's really rather annoyed with me.

On the other hand, there was that other girl that I met at the church conference that i mentioned, but I found out she lives all the way on the other side of the city from me (about an hour away). I like this girl, but I don't want to try another long-distance relationship. My first girlfriend was like that and it didn't end well for us. I'd rather not have the same thing happen to this girl. She was very kind to me despite being quiet around many other people at the conference and I don't want to squander that.

Honestly, I just want to fix my relationship with this girl at my school and hopefully before we graduate in May, we could go out or something. She's put up with all the crap I've given her about not going out with me and she is still willing to talk with me, but it's become kind of tense whenever we talk, like she expects me to try and guilt her after I've been doing so for so long. I have written up a long text taking up 5 separate messages on my phone explaining my wish to just resume talking with her without all the tension and fixing our relationship.

I love this girl and her resilience and I think everything about her is wonderful, but there isn't much time left for me to fix everything. I want to date this girl before we graduate, but I realize that, first, I need to get back into her good graces. I just need some advice. What would be the best way to fix our relationship without looking like a suck-up or a jerk? I want to be as genuine as I can so she'll believe me when I say I want to fix everything. Also, should I send that text? How should I tell her?

[Bear]

Hmm, the bulk of my suggestion is this: let things go with this girl from your school.

I know it's hard to see now, but you are in too much of a hurry to get into a relationship and you are completely transparent to that effect. On the surface of what you've said, it isn't exactly painting you in a flattering light. Why the guilt trip through pity? I don't get that at all. Was she with her boyfriend when you did this? Why would you do this at all? Saying you were upset doesn't make some things you say or do okay. Am I missing something here? @_@

That's not at all a good way to start off a relationship and if things are tense when you two talk, that's a pretty good indication that you botched things past the point of repair. Meaning, its already too apparent that you care more about dating than being friends and saying you just want to be friends and trying to mend things now that she is single is disingenuous from the get-go; and she probably picks up on that fact. She may still talk to you, but that doesn't mean she's interested; the tenseness sounds like a signal that she probably would rather not talk to you.

But I dunno man, that's just a surface analysis. I'm sure there are nuances I'm not seeing, but from what you are saying...yeah. Just give her some space and chill out.

[Tehwilburforce]

Thanks for the advice, Bear, but I'm am going to have to respectfully ignore it. I have such a deep-rooted feeling about fixing this stuff that I don't care whether or not we go out. To me, just getting to talk to her like normal is the only thing I want right now. I said a lot of things to bug her, but I am going to fix it by apologizing and trying to just talk to her once in a while like I did when I first met her. I enjoyed doing that and I learned a lot about her, as she is a very interesting person. I don't care how long it takes. I just don't want her to leave for college thinking I'm a whiny douche or a jerk. She's too important to me for me to let that happen.